I’ve moved over to a new space for a new chapter, so check it out!
So I live with this crazy dog named Nelly. No joke–about the name or the craziness. She is probably the most vocal, dramatic, wiggly dog I have ever met. She barks at everything that moves outside the front door, she whines when she wants something and when she’s happy, and she is always excited to greet me at the door. Her name is very fitting; “Oh Nelly!” is the expression most used in this house.
But the funniest thing about Nelly is what happens at about 4:20 in the afternoon. Most days, Matthew, Emma, and I have just walked in the door from school and Nelly greets us there with her excited whine and a very waggy tail, and then proceeds to follow me around the kitchen for the next 40 minutes until I finally pour two cups of dog food into her bowl. I always feed her around 5pm, but everyday, without fail, she starts whining at 4:20. It’s as if she is afraid that I’m going to forget about her and she won’t get fed.
And everyday, when the whining and following begins, I’m reminded of two things.
1) I’m a whiner. Heck, I spend most of my day whining to God about the supposed “troubles” I think I’m having. Most of them from my own bad attitude and choices.
2) God has yet to forget to “feed me”.
Everyday Nelly’s whining reminds me of God’s faithfulness. Every time I notice her agitation and anxiousness and then look at the clock and realize that it’s just after 4, I find myself saying, “Oh Nelly”, but what I’m really saying is, “Oh Erika! Why do you forget! Why do you lose heart? He will not give up. It’s just not the time for….” and I fill in the blank for whatever I’m waiting for that day.
“Oh Nelly” will become for me a constant reminder of how faithful our God is. I need to trust. I need to believe that His Word is true. I need to wait. It just isn’t 5pm yet!
From (for?) Colleen…
I woke up in darkness
surrounded by silence
oh where, where have I gone?
I woke to reality
losing its grip on me
oh where, where have I gone?
Cause I can see the light
before I see the sunrise
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
Late have I loved you,
you waited for me,
I searched for you…
what took me so long?
I was looking outside
as a love would ever want to hide
I’m finding I was wrong
Cause I can feel the wind
before it hits my skin
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
I’m alive again!
Cause I want you!
Yes, I want you,
I need you
And I’ll do what ever I have to
Just to get through
cause I love you
Yeah, I love you!
You called and you shouted
broke through my deafness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
You shattered my darkness
washed away my blindness
now I’m breathing in
and breathing out
I’m alive again!
Situation Six-year old Emma, four-year old Matthew, and I are walking home from school. We are talking about my sister’s dog.
Conversation
Emma- Which sister? (She knows I have two, and both are younger than me.)
Me- Lauren. The one who’s married.
Emma- Wait. Your sister is married and she’s younger than you? (She looks at me incredulously.)
Me- Yes.
Emma- Oh. That’s awkward.
Yeah. It doesn’t just happen at family gatherings…
If you have kids or work with kids alot you’re probably familiar with the phrases “maybe another day”, “we’ll see”, or “not right now”. Interestingly enough, I’ve finally learned what “we’ll see” actually means: “I’m not sure how to break it to you gently, so I’ll use the passive aggressive form of the imperative ‘no’. …And all those times I thought it really had potential…
Anyways, Emma and Matthew regularly ask me to do things or have things. Especially Matthew, while we’re in the grocery store. I try really hard to be direct and clear with him, so I usually use “not right now”. He’s generally a pretty content little guy, and generally can be told why he isn’t allow to have or do something right now. Usually what he wants isn’t bad or dangerous (although jumping from the highest ring of the monkey bars, down to the ground 6 feet below, probably wouldn’t be too good for a four-year-old’s wrists…). Usually it really just isn’t the right time. But he can’t see that. He has to trust me to know that I’m looking out for him and his well-being, and in a large part, his happiness.
I found myself realizing this week, that I seem to expect the kids to trust and obey me, especially when I say “not right now”, but though I’m at a place where I’ve asked for a few things from God and He tells me “not right now”, I can’t demonstrate that same level of trust and obedience with Him.
And if my motivation is Matthew’s well-being and happiness, how much more does our Heavenly Father care about my well-being and happiness?
He is a good God, who cares immensely for me. Crazy, I know. And all I’m called to do is accept that He is who He says He is, and that He will make good on all His promises.
So, the day-to-day life? Ironically, Dori from Finding Nemo gets it right: “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”. While I watch God work in me, while the ‘now’ is not now, I’ll swim. I’ll serve, care, and love those around me; I’ll read my Bible and seek to learn more about this amazing God who loves me; I’ll pray for a deepened and richer walk with Jesus. I’ll keep moving forward, swimming.
Matthew regularly asks me, pretty much on an hourly basis, if I’ll come play with him. I often do, seeing as they do pay me to do that, lol. But many days he wants me to push him on the swing. We’re attempting to learn how to “pump” the swing yourself so that you don’t need anyone to push you, but it’s a slow lesson for Matty to learn. I’m sure we’ll get there.
But today I made an interesting, to me anyways, observation.
When I push Matthew, sometimes it doesn’t go straight. You know the wobble a swing on a long chain makes if it’s not pushed perfectly even? I realized that there is NO way that Matthew could straighten out the path of his swing on his own. It’s only when he reaches me again on the backswing and I move him by forcing his swing in the right direction can he straighten out.
…Kinda like sin.
How often do I have these wobbles in my own heart. Often they aren’t desperate right away, but the more I wiggle the bigger the wobbles and eventually by the time my backswing reaches Christ, I’m in a desperate need for Him to force my swing back into the right motion.
This job is making me realize how often I fail at totally glorifying and loving God. Regularly. Bah. …My swing wobbles, and wobbles constantly. How desperately I need Christ to force me to His path. His path is happiness and righteousness and peace.
Well, it’s been a full week of my new job, and overall I think I like it. …There are certainly going to be some tricker bits to this taking-care-of-other-peoples-children business, but the kids are relatively behaved and happy.
It’s amazing what you can learn from kids though… This past week, I found Matthew (the four year old) upstairs, perched over the heating vent with the broken vent lid in one hand and a child’s glue stick in the other.
“What are you doing, Matthew?”
“It’s broken. I’m trying to fix it.”
Initially I laughed; but as I mulled it over, I found myself realizing that I often am like Matthew. I am always trying to fix the things in my life that aren’t the way they should be, or trying to make them go the way I want. How often must God laugh at me when He catches me with my glue sticks trying to fix the broken heating vents in my own life and heart.
Oh Lord! Make me content with where You’ve placed me, but keep me always longing for more of Your glory and love. Help me to see You clearly, to love what You love and hate what You hate, but trust You to fix and provide all that I need. Let me drop my glue sticks and cling to Your Holy Spirit!
Well, I’m officially moved in, give or take a few things. Tomorrow I take on the task of nannying two kids, one 4 and one 6, and it’s starting to hit me what it’s going to be like living and working here in Burlington. It’s very strange to be in an unfamiliar house in an unfamiliar city…
Right now, I’m just reminding myself that God brought me to this HUGE task and He will bring me through it. I do not think I am capable enough to do this job well, but I’m hoping that He’ll use my skills and previous training to enable me to do this job well, for the glory of His name. …It’s very easy to be overwhelmed at the task of caring for two small children I don’t know, physically for sure, but even more importantly, spiritually. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited to live out the gospel in a way that I never have before, but I’m realizing how big this step is. …They don’t know I love Jesus, and at some point it’ll come out, but I want my life to reflect my love for Him long before I say the words “I love Jesus”. Phew! …But again, Christ is sufficient. He will provide wisdom and strength to live a life worthy of Him.
I guess what it really comes down to is what Colossians 3 :22-24 says:
Slaves, [or employees?] obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
So, all the business about “obeying your earthly masters” notwithstanding, the idea is clear that I’m to work for the purpose of serving Christ, and to work “heartily”, which the dictionary explains to mean warmly, completely, with enthusiasm, without reservation.
It’s going to be an interesting season. Lord, keep me and protect me; guide me and help me. Let me serve You with all my heart!
He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
Lately I’m discovering how much I am like Peter. Throwing myself at Jesus’ feet, asking Him to call me to extreme tests of obedience and faith, asking Him to wash the whole of me… What can I say? …I am an extremist. And I caught myself today, while thinking about this verse, stumbling once again on the extremist raging inside of me. This is how the thing went down:
–He must increase, I must decrease. Hm… What a thought. But heck– with all the garbage in my heart, He should just knock me right down, so there is nothing left of me at all. Yeah. Don’t just make me decrease, get rid of me altogther.
Seriously. That’s how it went.
But then I realized a couple of things I had missed:
1) John had a much healthier understanding of the human nature. We aren’t (usually) perfection right away; we are (almost always) processes. I think John understood that the evil carnal deathman inside of us doesn’t die easily, and often rears his ugly head the moment we think we’ve killed him. It’s much more realistic to say that we must be decrease, as if to say “It’s all in steps, this process of becoming like Jesus”.
2) In desiring God to just get rid of the me in me I forget that God designs us each as He would have us to be for the glory of His Name. Lewis once said that God desires not to make us nothing like ourselves but to make us better versions of ourselves. It is wrong for me to ask God to make me nothing like myself. That is equivalent to telling God that He made a disasterous mistake when He made me.
So here I am discovering, yet again, another extreme thought process that I am so tightly wound around. Yes, it is very good to want to be extreme in your desire to love Jesus more and be like Him more, but I have to be really careful that my desire to be like Jesus doesn’t morph into a self-loathing desire.
What about you? Do you find that you naturally gravitate towards the perfection rather than the process? Are you a Peter or are you a John?
I’m working on be okay with working on stuff. …With slugging through the process. Sanctification sounds like such a lovely good word. …I forgot that sanctification takes time. And time often hurts.
So if you’re finding yourself in this same spot, know that you’re not alone. Trusting is not easy. …It’s actually quite painful. Here’s to the hope we have in us, the Hope of Glory that does not disappoint. Here’s to believing though we don’t see. Here’s to knowing in our heads and hearts that God is who He says He is, no matter what.
Found this on The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood’s Blog and it’s worth sharing.
My Credo as a Christian Woman byRebecca Jones
I believe God created me, a woman, in His image.
I believe God has the authority, as my Creator to define my whole person; body, soul, mind, and emotions.
I believe God has chosen to reveal Himself through the world in which I live and through the incarnation of His Son, Jesus Christ. I learn of both these revelations through His Word, the Bible, which becomes clear to me by the power of Jesus Christ, whose Spirit works in my heart and my understanding.
I believe that God exists as one God, in three equal persons and that these persons have Scripturally revealed relationships and functions within the trinity.
I believe that all human fellowship is a reflection of that perfect fellowship defined and experienced from all eternity by God Himself in the trinity.
I believe that God made both men and women in His image.
I believe that God gave the man a representative role in humanity in general (as seen in both Adam and Christ) and that He also gave each man a representative and authoritative role as head of his wife and of his family.
I believe that God appointed marriage and the family as the most fundamental human social building block.
I believe that God created marriage (as He created all human institutions) to reveal His character and the character of His relations with humans.
I believe that God created me to be a helper to my husband and that in serving and obeying him, I also serve and obey God.
I believe that my husband is created first to love God, but that in his human relationships he is to reflect God’s nature by filling a role of protector, defender, guide, leader, teacher, provider, and father.
I believe that I am created first to love God, but (since God has not chosen singleness for me) I am also created to bear and nourish children, to help my husband and to serve God and His church principally, though not exclusively, in the exercise of these functions.
I believe that I should count my home as the primary focus of my ministry to God and that in so doing, I will bring no slander on the gospel.
I believe that I should develop sexual attractiveness, intellectual honesty, and spiritual fervor in my role as wife.
I believe that my husband will answer to God for his part in my spiritual development, but that when I stand before the throne of God’s judgment, I will be covered not by my husband’s righteousness, but by Christ’s.
I believe that the Bible teaches me as a woman to uphold the authority of my husband in my marriage and in my home; to respect it, encourage it, desire it, appreciate it, work towards increasing it and encourage my children to do the same.
I believe that the Scriptures ask me to refrain from exercising final spiritual authority in the church. I am to avoid usurping the authoritative roles of men in teaching and in church discipline. Specifically I am to avoid teaching men or judging male leadership.
I believe I am to express myself verbally within my church family to bring encouragement, praise, witness, wisdom, counsel, prayers, hymns, songs, and instruction within the authority structures mentioned above. I am especially responsible for the training and mentoring of younger women, with a view to encouraging them to love their husbands and children, to be busy at home and to bring no slander on the gospel.
I believe that I am also to exercise my particular personal gifts in the church, without neglecting hospitality, humble service, availability in emergencies, and all sorts of good deeds.
I believe that sin affects every area of my life. I am not, therefore, surprised that my sinful nature rebels against some of the very truths I confess. May God mercifully soften my heart and conform me to His perfect will.
